It was a revelation (another tainted word) to me when I finally realized the only thing sour about the word God and what it meant was my relationship with it. As a child in the 80's and 90's God already was tainted. And maybe it has been for a few hundred years if not more. As I grew up it seemed to be a word that everyone wanted to tiptoe around. Afraid to hurt someones feelings or beliefs, the word took on new meaning and became a dirty word. Now no one knows what God you are talking about. So more specific words are used.
In my youth God meant, some guy in heaven, which is a place i had no conception of where it was located, who could watch you all the time and after you died would read your life's sins to you as he slowly shut the gate to you. It seemed rather bleak from the onset and thus I became an atheist. I turned my back on that no good God in search for something that felt better.
Doesn't that seem crazy though? Why would you need to leave God to find something better? This is how you can tell its been bastardized. As a child i went to churches. All kinds of different ones. And maybe, just maybe, the ancient way of delivering the truth of God had begun to fail.
Through the years I moved on into other realms of study, science, philosophy, oneness, conspiracy theory. None of which were truly fulfilling. Then one day it dawned on me. I had a bad relationship with the word God. I hated when people said it and used it. But why should I? Its just a word. I realized that I had a specific identification of myself that I had developed with it. Which is just a relationship. So i started over, gave God another chance. No longer was some strange unknown figure lurking in the shadows of my mind but now it was literally everything, everyone, no one, and nothing. It was me, and you, and everyone. It began to take form as conscious existence itself. But it only took this form when I decided I wanted a real relationship with life. And in the end, its called God.
Now I can revisit the stories in the bible and see the truth in them. God loves us, heaven is right now, hell is right now, if I SIN, right now. Its like I was lost in some ancient translation and the only way out was to abandon the handed down ways of understanding divinity. Which is very akin to what Jesus experienced himself. A man born into a word feeling separate from an established way of doing things. Lost in his own sea of translation and watching as those who preached their words were just as lost, if not more. Lost in a swamp of identification of self through a sense of authority.
If you want to know God more, let go of everything you know about it, and learn from direct experience with it.
1 comment:
Hello David,
First, very interesting entry. This reading was especially intriguing to me because I am seeking a new faith in order to have a stronger relationship with God and with myself.
I agree, the word "God" has many different meanings nowadays. To me "God" is a great force that created everything known to mankind. I believe that if one has a great relationship with this High Spirit happiness is inedible and they may even be a blessing to whomever they come into contact with.
My relationship with God did not blossom until I was in high school. Then, I needed a faith just to survive emotionally when I experiencing emotional turmoil by moving to different places and having to sever various relationships.
I believe in God because the spiritual world has to know the answer to our world's mysteries. Also, I believe God is love.
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